Hulga's Crutch

Hulag is vulnerable just like this rest of us, she just handles it differently. For most people, they just want to fit in, and they are ashamed of what makes them stand out. However, Hulga seems to purposely try to stand out. She gets a degree that is uncommon in her hometown, she changed her name to the polar opposite of her real name, Joy, and she has an artificial leg. The artificial leg is not of her own doing, but everything else in her life is. She does not dress herself or take care of herself well, she changed her name to something unpleasant sounding, and she chose a degree that no one else in her life has knowledge of. At first glance, you would view Hulga as someone who does not care at all what others think of her, but deep down, she seeks love just as anyone does. She distances herself from others, but still craves affection, and she seems to be content in her own skin, but she is not. Hulga is far from simple. 

Why does Hulga change her name? Her birth-given name is Joy, which is a lot to live up to. The name Joy is assigned to a happy, easy-going person. Hulga is far from this person, and she recognizes it. She decided to give herself a name that she saw fit her, and her name shows how she views herself. When she changed her name to Hulga, she was turning into Hulga. The text says, “One of her major triumphs was that her mother had not been able to turn her dust into Joy, but the greater one was that she had been able to turn it herself into Hulga” (275).  She did not want to be Joy, she wanted to be who she saw herself as. She saw herself as an outsider, different from everyone else, with a wooden leg. She was identified as her wooden leg, which made her different from everyone else, and she kept distancing herself from others. 

However, she views herself as better than everyone else. Her education is what made her superior to those around her. Unlike Glynese or Caramae, who were getting married and having children, she had higher education and was more intelligent than they were. She could not have what they had, but she also had something they did not either. I see this as Hulga grasping for something of meaning. In her town, a girl was meant to marry and have children. Obviously, this was not something that Hulga saw in her future, so she sought after a different path. It would have been more noble if she had gone and made a life for herself. She had the education, she could have left her hometown, used her education to get a job and create a life for herself, one that did not require a husband or children. This would have been a feminist’s dream. However, she goes right back to where she came from. Yes, she did have an illness, but it did not seem pressing or too burdensome. She did not need her mother’s care because she seemed to care for herself just fine at home. If she wants to be different and stand out, then why go back home? Why live in the same house and why just sit around and sulk? She was an intelligent woman, she could have gone off and been much happier than she was, wasting away in her mother’s home. She is not as sure of herself as she tries to make herself out to be. In the text, she tells her mother, “If you want me, here I am, like I am” (274). She wants others to accept her, but she does not really accept herself. 

Hulga seeks love and affection so desperately, that it costs her greatly. Her vulnerability is her downfall. Shouldn’t we be vulnerable? Shouldn’t we let people in? Yes, I think that being vulnerable and letting people in allows us to love and be loved. Unfortunately, the first time Hulga ever does this, she gets cheated. Hulga distanced herself from everyone, she is bitter, and she is more educated in a field that no one around her has knowledge of. However, when someone finally shows interest in her, she lets her guard down.

At first, she thinks that she is in total control. She thinks that the Bible salesman is right where she wants him. She feels in charge and has control of the situation, but that is what he wanted. Once she felt safe, she let her walls down. The Bible salesman gave her affection that no one else had before. He even validated her in saying that her leg makes her different than everyone else. This is what she clung to. She knew that her name, and her education made her different and that is what she controlled; however, her leg is something that she couldn’t control, and she knew that it separated her from everyone else. But the Bible salesman made it into a positive thing, that it is a good thing she is different from others. He made different seem unique which made it seem special. He made her feel special. For the first time, she let someone else touch her wooden leg. This was her identity, this was just for her and no one else and she shared it with him. Sadly, he took advantage of her and stole her identity. When the Bible salesman took her leg, it was not stripping her of her stability and identity. This exposed her vulnerability and her dependence. She could not stand without her leg, metaphorically and physically. That is what defined her for the majority of her life, and she was fully dependent on it. She wanted to be independent, not needing the help of anyone or anything, but she was. The Biblesales man insulted her intelligence, her name, and stole her leg, everything that she relied on. It was her literal crutch, and he swept it out from under her. She could not truly be independent, her vulnerability was thrown in her face. Question is, how did she handle it?